The Sacred Art of Mourning Rituals

It's 5:00 am. Eyes wide open, and there's no turning back. Pulling the covers over my head for another 30 minutes of restlessness sounds like the best option when I don’t have the energy or desire to drag myself out of bed. Rest is elusive when you are tending a broken heart. It's an exhaustion no amount of sleep can cure.

Many mornings during my journey have been met with dread. Once my eyes popped open and reality hit, I would toss and turn, trying to convince myself that thirty more minutes would make all the difference. When it didn’t, I would drag myself up, leaving my bed unmade. I’d head to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee, convincing myself it would “wake me up.” I’d follow that with a sleeve of cookies, believing a little sugar couldn’t possibly hurt anything. I’d open my phone, check for text messages, voicemails, and aimlessly scroll Facebook for anything I may have missed overnight. I motioned through all of it with resentment and indifference. I simply just wanted to go back to bed, pull the covers over, and wish the world and my reality away.

When I was a kid, I was required to make my bed the minute my feet hit the floor. I thought it was the most ridiculous thing. After all, I was just going to crawl back in at the end of the night. This required routine was one of a long list of “rules” in our household that I grew to resent. All of our rules centered around the number ten. Ten minutes to shower, ten minutes to talk on the phone. Curfew was 10 pm. Ten this, ten that. To this day, the number 10 makes me cringe. I found it humorous and insightful when I signed up for my first writing workshop with Valley, my writing coach. It was appropriately called “Life in 10 Minutes.” The irony was not lost.

Over the years, with the guidance of trusted life coaches, I’ve discovered making my bed serves as a metaphor. I can start my day haphazardly, with no care, or I can start it with a little order. The rest of the day may be barely manageable, but making my bed and following a morning ritual is within my control. I’ve also learned it empowers me to keep going, no matter how I'm feeling.

With patience and compassion, I’ve committed to putting the tender care of my soul above all else. I’ve created a morning routine that serves my healing and has become sacred. When I wake, I get up. It’s not unusual for me to “rise and shine” at o'dark 30. Once my bed is made, I pour a large glass of water and drink it before I have my required, perfectly made cup of java.

That's followed by reading or listening to something uplifting or encouraging. I usually start with Stacy Wood’s book, “Own Your Journey.” It is a daily dose of insightful guidance to create a desired path to living authentically. Next, I honor my temple. I get moving. If I don’t go to the gym, or take a long walk, I pull up a session on SilverSneakers (it’s free to many) and get my body moving. I’ve been known to dance in the kitchen at 6 am. I'm then ready to go about my day, taking care of that which is required. You know, the necessities of life.

Before you give your undivided attention to the ticker-tape excuses in your head about how you have kids to feed, emails to check, or the need to finish the last episode of This is Us that you fell asleep to last night, please hear me out. We all have a few minutes we can carve out at the beginning of our day. Quite frankly, the minute you open your eyes, you can claim the first thirty minutes as sacredly yours. Make a promise to yourself. No interruptions. No interference. Just you and your deepest desires to lean into. Is it always easy? Oh, hell no. Do I still grab that sleeve of cookies on occasion or slide back under the covers? Of course. In fact, just this morning, I had the most delicious chocolate-covered almonds for breakfast.

Be gentle with yourself as you begin to contemplate the day you desire. Start by creating a short list of things you can and will accomplish. Take your time to explore new things, switch things up and find your rhythm. Once you have your list, commit to starting your day a few minutes early. Just a few. Claim this time for yourself. Once you begin to achieve even the simplest of your heart’s desires, you will look back upon the day with a sense of accomplishment.

And for the love of all things holy and sacred, do not open your phone or your laptop or turn on the TV before you complete your morning ritual! Once you do, you are sucked into the vortex. We all know what happens when we try to convince ourselves that the care of our soul can just as easily be accomplished after we watch the news or scroll social media for hours. Let's stop fooling ourselves. Our healing depends upon it.

A mourning ritual can help provide a road map to healing a broken heart. When all else seems lost, you can begin to trust in your own power and believe in the most important foundation - your well-being. Before you know it, you will be leaning into your transformation, one little sacred step at a time.