The Sacred Art of Mourning Rituals

It's 5:00 am. Eyes wide open and there's no turning back. Pulling the covers over my head for another 30 minutes of restlessness sounds like the best option when I don’t have the energy or desire to drag myself out of bed. Rest is elusive when you are tending a broken heart. It's an exhaustion no amount of sleep can cure.

Many mornings during my healing process were met with dread as described above. Once my eyes popped open I would toss and turn, trying to convince myself that 30 more minutes would make all the difference. When it didn’t, I would drag myself up, leaving my bed unmade. I’d head to the kitchen, make a cup of coffee, convincing myself it would “wake me up.” I’d follow that with a sleeve of cookies, believing a little sugar couldn’t possibly hurt anything. I’d open my phone, check for text messages, voicemails, and scroll Facebook for anything I may have missed overnight. I motioned through all of it with resentment. I simply just wanted to go back to bed, pull the covers over, and wish the world away. 

When I was a kid I was required to make my bed the minute my feet hit the floor. I thought it was the most ridiculous thing. After all, I was just going to crawl back in at the end of the night. This required routine was one of a long list of “rules” in our household that I grew to resent, even though I carried it through adulthood. Over the years, with the guidance of trusted life coaches, I’ve discovered making my bed is a metaphor. I can start my day haphazardly, with no care, or I can start it with a little order. Honestly, I’ve grown to understand it’s something I can control. The rest of the day may be out of my hands, but making my bed and following a morning ritual is within my control. I’ve also learned it empowers me to keep going, no matter how I'm feeling.

Over time, with patience and self compassion, I’ve committed to putting the tender care of my soul above all else. I’ve created a morning routine that serves my healing and has become sacred. When I wake, I get up. It’s not unusual for me to “rise and shine” at o'dark 30. Once my bed is made, I pour a large glass of water and drink it before I have my required, perfectly made cup of java. That's followed by reading or listening to something funny, uplifting or encouraging. I usually start with Stacy Wood’s book, “Own Your Journey.” It is a daily dose of insightful guidance to create your desired path to living authentically. Next, I honor my temple. I get moving. If I don’t go to the gym, I pull up a session on SilverSneakers (it’s free to many) and get my groove on. I’ve been known to dance in the kitchen at 5 am. I'm then ready to go about my day, taking care of that which is required. You know, the necessities of life. 

Before you start listening to the ticker-tape excuses in your head about how you have kids to feed, emails to check, or the need to finish the last episode of This is Us that you fell asleep to last night, hear me out. We all have 15-30 minutes we can carve out at the beginning of our day. Quite frankly, the minute you open your eyes you can claim the first 30 minutes as yours. Make a promise to yourself. No interruptions. No interference. Just you and your deepest desires to lean into. Is it always easy? Oh, hell no. Do I still grab that sleeve of cookies on occasion? Of course.

Start by creating a short list of things you can accomplish. Be gentle with yourself as you try new things, switch things up and find your rhythm. You will look back upon the day with a sense of accomplishment and anticipation for tomorrow. And for the love of all things holy and sacred, do not open your phone or your laptop before you complete your morning ritual! Once you do, you are sucked into the vortex. We all know what happens when we try to convince ourselves our morning ritual can just as easily be accomplished after noon. Let's stop fooling ourselves.

A morning ritual can help heal a broken heart. When all else seems lost, you can begin to trust in your own power and believe in the most important foundation - your well being.

So, go make your bed and lean into your healing, one sacred step at a time.